The futures got me worried...
Bright Eyes : The "Lifted" Album
So, I sat awake all night. I sang Bright Eyes and Straylight Run for three hours or so. There was also some Rocky Votolato, Get Up Kids, and Starting Line...
I didn't even get woken up to go to school today. My mum didn't even bother. I haven't been to school since monday. And last week I only went on Tuesday and Friday, and the week before that I only went Wendsday. Oh well, it really isn't for me. Honestly. I mean, I'll probably get my GED or something, but I can't handle High School. I really just want to be a writer though. I want to write books. I want people to read again. I want there to be more in this world than there is... I have this tiny sliver of hope that I can have some of the things I want. And to be a writer is one of those things. I don't know. Maybe everyone is right. Maybe I wont have a future. Maybe I'm more afraid than anyone to grow up, and that's why this is the way it is. But I'm not afraid of growing. No. I just can't do this the same way everyone else does. And one of the things that I have as a major fault, and something that will never go away, is that I'm always going to rely on others. I mean, not graduating, not getting my liscense. Tiny things like that, and so I'll have to rely on other people...forever. And I hate myself for it. Yet, I wont change it. Because I like myself. I like that I can try to be happy. Even if I never was, or I may or may not be, or may or may never be, I can TRY to be happy. And it's these little things. I don't have to hide from the world. I can just be out there. I don't need a mask. I don't need a bottle. I don't need drugs. It's just these little things. I beleive so much that humanity still exists somewhere in the world. Behind what we can see. So I'll keep reaching for it.
I'm going to leave you with something that someone said to me in the last couple days.
Have you ever looked at your hand? Just looked at it? Moved your fingers and watched how they move? Why do we have fingers? Watch the little lines in your hand move? There's these absolutely simple yet amazing things that we take advantage of every day. Do you ever just...stop. and think about them?