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Feb. 2nd, 2005 @ 06:59 am Dance it all away...
Mood: I'm icky.
Tunes: Emery
I'm boycoting valentines day. Here's the rest of the team so far:

Chris
Matt

That's it. We're pathetic. A freind of mine in platte said she may join us.

If anyone wants to reach me, I'll be at my grandparents until Saturday. If you don't know the number, sorry, but I'm not posting it here.
About this Entry
Jan. 28th, 2005 @ 07:19 am Liquor and a Lighter...
Mood: I fell asleep next to a liar..
Tunes: Brand New : Sudden Death In Carolina
Okay. So the tide subsides.

Kill me quick.

I now live my life by the bottom of the bottle. That and concerts. Party party. *twirls finger*

"Call 911. I'm already dead, but someone should be caught
and held responsible for this bloody mess."

boredom compels me...

(x) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
(x) saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states
( ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
( ) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
(x) been arrested
(x) done drugs
(x) had alcohol
(x) laughed and had water come out of your nose
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
( ) made out in an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
( ) kicked a guy where it hurts
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
(x) broken a bone
(x) been high
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) flashed someone
(x) saw a therapist
(x) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
(x) had an iv
(x) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
(x) crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
(x) been fired
(x) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(x) stole something from your job
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
(x) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa
(x) Driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar (bathroom)
(x) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
(x) Been moshing at a rock show
( ) Been to a motor cross show
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
(x) done hard drugs
(x) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
About this Entry
Jan. 12th, 2005 @ 12:08 pm Holding someone elses hand...
If you've got any kind of problem with me or anything, do us both a favor and remove me.
About this Entry
Dec. 26th, 2004 @ 08:29 pm It's best to compose...
Mood: Loooonnnely.....
Tunes: Bright Eyes : Bowl of Oranges
10 bands you've been listening to a lot lately:
1. Something Corporate
2. Daphne Loves Derby
3. Azure Ray
4. Bright Eyes
5. Atreyu
6. Taking Back Sunday
7. Emery
8. Rocky Votolato
9. Rilo Kiley
10. Otep

09 things you look forward to:
1. Physical human contact.
2. Someone to call me.
3. The next time I get to make out.
4. My band playing.
5. Food.
6. Turning 18.
7. Moving out.
8. The death of the Tang Monkeys.
9. Halloween.

08 things you like to wear:
1. Band T-shirts and T-shirts that have been made for me. (How very cliche of me.)
2. Converse.
3. White blet with black Stars.
4. Messenger bag. (I think that counts.)
5. Jelly bracelets.
6. Jeans with holes in them.
7. Corduroys.
8. My burgundy jacket with buttons on it.

07 things that annoy you:
1. Children who are far too loud.
2. Adults who beleive that being an adult makes them correct.
3. Being alone.
4. People who follow trends.
5. Overbearing religous fanatics.
6. "Horror" movies.
7. Telivision.

06 things you say most days:
1. Fuck
2. Shit
3. God dammit.
4. I love you.
5. Hmm...what to listen to now.
6. Shut up.
note:I've said all of these within the last two hours....

05 things you do everyday:
1. Listen to music.
2. Watch a movie.
3. Talk/Argue with myself.
4. Write.
5. Read.

04 people you want to spend more time with:
1. Rachael.
2. Josh.
3. Adam.
4. Emily.

03 movies you could watch over and over again:
1. The Never Ending Story.
2. Donnie Darko.
3. Vanilla Sky.

02 of your favorite songs at the moment:
1. Hawthorne Heights : Ohio is for Lovers
2. Brand New : I Beleive You, But My Tommy Gun Don't

01 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1. I am keeping this answer private.
About this Entry
Dec. 26th, 2004 @ 07:06 am Merry Christmas...
Mood: The Pretty Lights...
Tunes: Otep : Tortured
Happy Holidays.

I got a digital camera like I wanted. :)

About this Entry
Dec. 24th, 2004 @ 09:53 pm Happy Christmas...
Mood: I like stuff...
Tunes: Atreyu : The Crimson
Merry Christmas!!!

So much crap to do tommorow. I hope that I get a digital camera!!!

First Name: Pete
Hair Color: Marroon-ish
Middle Name: James
Hair Style: Messy?
Eye Color: Blue
Height: 5’8
Birthday: July 21

Zodiac Sign: Cancer
Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: Kind of
Do you have a crush?: No.

Favorites
Favorite Animal: Raccoons.
Favorite Sport: Computer.
Favorite Color(s): Green and Purple.
Favorite Song(s): far far too many.
Favorite Movie Quote: "The sweet,is never as sweet, without the sour."
Favorite Store: Thrift Stores
Favorite Feeling: I question what this means...
Favorite Shoe: Chucks
Favorite Scent: Rain
Do you move fast or slow in a relationship?: It would really depend on how things work out wouldnt it now?
When's the last time you cried?: Last night.
What do you want to be when you grow up?: A Writer. I hope.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: I lost my tiger.
Do you have a best friend?: I thought I did. But Im not sure.

In the last 24 hours, have you...
Had a serious talk?: yes.
Hugged someone?: yes.
Gotten along well with your parents?: hell no.
Fought with a friend?: not friends. no.

Do you like to...
Do you like to give hugs?: yes.
Take walks in the rain?: yes.
Do you ever have one of those falling dreams?: yes.
What is on the walls of your room?: posters, a pirate flag
When you chew gum, what etc..kind?: i hate gum.
Do you use chap stick?: no.

In the last month have/did you...
Drink?: no.
Smoke?: yes.
Drugs?: no.
Have Sex?: no.
Made Out?: no.
Go on a date?: no.
Go to the mall?: i really dont know.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: no.
Eaten sushi?: no.
Been on stage?: no.
Been dumped?: no.
Had someone unfaithful to you?: yes.
Watched The Smurfs?: no.
Hiked a mountain?: no
Made homemade cookies?: no.
Been in love?: yes.



Preferences
Cold or hot?: cold.
Lace or satin?: i dunno. probably satin.
Blue or Red?: blue.
New or old?: new or old what?
Rain or snow?: rain.
Give or receive?: both.
Wool or cotton?: cotton.
Rose or Daisy?: rose.
Private school or public school?: public.
Chocolate milk or plain milk?: milk is icky.
Celsius or Fahrenheit?: fahrenheit.
Spring or Fall?: fall.
Cursive or print?: print.
Do you like surprises?: sometimes.
Paranoid or Cautious?: ummm...neither?
Heights or Crowds?: both kinda scary. but i can handle crowds if they arent to big.
Half-full or half-empty?: half.
Top or bottom?: for what?
do you/Would you dye your hair?: yes.
Speeding or running red lights?: neither really. okay...speeding.
Gold or silver?: silver.
Bad habits?: far too many.
Piercing?: none yet. im getting my lip this summer.
Do you talk to yourself? : "...no." "yes you do." "okay. fine. i do."

Past
first grade teacher's name: i cant remember.
last word you said: bye.
last song you sang: Something Corporate : I Wont Make You
what's in your cd player: Rilo Kiley : More Adventerous
what color socks are you wearing: green and dark green stripes.

what's under your bed: shoe boxes, cd cases, a busted stereo, some trash.
what time did you wake up today: err....2
where do you want to go: lawrence!
what is your career going to be: i dunno. i want to be a writer. (p.s.didn't i already answer this?)
where are you going to live: in lawrence someday.
how many kids do you want: none.
what kind of car will you have: i dont wana drive. driving is icky.

current mood: tired, ickly, lonely
current music: Azure Ray
current taste: uhh...air?
current hair: on my head. *shrug*
current smell: nothing.
current desktop picture: a mirror.
current favorite artist: me actually. as far as art goes.
current color of toenails: none.
current worry: ive lost everyone.
current crush: none.
current hate: being alone.

what's the story behind your lj username?: i love stars, and they are emo-ish, and i love pirates. so starsandbones instead of skulls and bones
name five of your favorite foods: uhhh....i like mexican food a lot.
have you ever had a makeover?: no.
name all members of the beatles: i dont want to.
what's the longest time you've stayed out of the country/where?: a day maybe. not even.

Heres some beautiful christmas music for you!!!

Atreyu : The Crimson

I feel it welling up inside and Robert Smith lied
Boys do cry and with blood tears in my eyes
I'm an Anne Rice novel come to life
I can't hide the monster anymore
One can only feel desolate for so long
Until one starts to change
Into something the mirror doesn't recognize
I metamorphasize
The darkness has been biding its time
To claim its latest victim
Fresh meat for carnal desires
To become what I became
I viewed the sun for the last time

Will you still hold me when you see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same when you taste my victim's blood?
So crimson and red, I feel it flowing from your lips

My heart is dead and so are you
And it pulses through, the desire to change
The desire to deconstruct all of my past failings
But where to begin because when you live in sin
It's hard to look at saints without them
Reflecting their jet black auras back on you
And all I have is hope, my inner burn's not fading
I'll wipe the blood from my cheek and get on with my day
And all I have is hope, and all I need is time
To bury in pine under six feet of time
The lies I told me about myself
Claw my way out, pick the splinters from under my fingernails
I won't lose hope, I won't give in
Just live and breathe and try not to die again
About this Entry
Dec. 23rd, 2004 @ 06:53 pm Nothing inside...
Mood: I'm so very sleepy...
Tunes: Straylight Run : The Tension and the Terror
*sigh* I've been home all day. I didnt go to sleep until about 10 AM. My mum woke me between 12:30 and 1. I played on the computer for most of the day. I took a shower at some point. I dont know what time. Then I played on the computer more. Tried to call some people and find somthing to do tonight. No luck. So I continued to play on the computer. Layed down for a bit cuz I didn't feel good. My mum is on her way home with taco bell, and as soon as I eat that, I'm going to sleep. I'm freaking tired. I have green Kool Aid!! :)

p.s. I'm a raccooooooonnn!!!

About this Entry
Dec. 22nd, 2004 @ 07:45 pm Bet you thought this was over...
Mood: Loved to the extreme!
Tunes: Daphne Loves Derby : Christmas Lights
So, people probably imagined I was dead. I mean, I usually post a couple LJ's a day, and I haven't done any in a few days. *spooky music*

Anyhow. I just got Christmas presents!!! I love them. I'm wearing my new shirt right now. *superbigsmile* I love it a ton. I'm gona wear it all the time. *nod*

I'm expecting more christmas presents soon. I like STTTAAARRRRSSSS!!! I'm a raccooooooonn!!!

My new shirt is pretiful. It says "I love Rabbits", and it has a rabbit on it. *cheesy smile* If I get a digital camera for Christmas like I want, then I'll take pictures of it.

I'm hungry. I need to take a shower. My room is messy. I should clean it. What movie should I watch tonight? I love stars. And the color green. And raccoons. And rabbits.
About this Entry
Dec. 18th, 2004 @ 12:03 pm I want something else, to get me throught this...
Mood: Well...what do you expect?
Tunes: Finch : Letters to You (acoustic)
So, it's fucking early and I didn't sleep last night. I went to Groundworks for like, two and a half hours last night. It was all these fucking hardcore bands. And the first one actually kicked ass. They were hardcore, but had melody. I talked to them. They're nice guys, down to earth and all. They're called Side Wise. Their web address is http://www.sidewisemusic.com/ ...anyhow. Terra Firma played, I've seen Terra Firma one too many times....they aren't worth it. And the singer is a cocky bastard. So I went to the back room and sat around with all the smoker kids. LoL. (No cigarettes in the carpet area of Groundworks, including stage area) By that time it was actually pretty late. It was Derricks birthday. Fucking Ninja... So they were getting ready to play. (Derrick is in Evermourn) But although I hate ninjas I have no problem with Derrick. Sometimes we have to battle though. Anyway, and though I like Derrick, not an Evermourn fan. So I left. I came home, and played on the computer. Talked to Saive on AIM, and tried to play some online game. I got a phone call at eleven something, and was on the phone like...all night. They got on their computer too, and we sent links to pics and shit to eachother. I didn't fucking realize what time it was until like...almost 6 AM. Then I don't think I got off the phone and went to sleep until ten after seven. Woke up around eleven and took a shower. Why do so many emo songs make referencess to highways? I think I might start making a list of the top ten things mentioned in emo songs. I think highways might be one. I have to go to some super gay family christmas party in a few hours. I think I might try and stay with my grandparents for tonight and tommorow night or something. Come home Tuesday? I don't know yet. Maybe I wont go at all... They could take me to eat at McBrides though..and maybe I can get them to take me to a movie. We had some conversation at Groundworks last night about kissing. And how really, there is no one who wants to kiss me. I mean... I'm not THAT bad. This girl I've talked to before was being all "awwww" about it. I hate sympathy. People give it to me far too often. I don't want it. Thats ironic considering the song that just came on my Media player is 'Sympathy'. Irony. How I love it. Hate it. Loathe it. Want it. I need a vacation. I need some people to decide where I am in their life. Oh, one person in particular, if you're reading this, I'm not talking about you. I know you're selfish, and you might have thought that. I meant as an overall. People need to decide where I fit in their life. I think I'm starting up my "band" in January. As of now, the line-up is. Me/Pete : Lead Vocals, Emily/Tay : Lead guitar/acoustic guitar, Jax : Drums/acoustic guitar. Our name as of now is 'The Letter E'. What does everyone think of that?
About this Entry
Dec. 16th, 2004 @ 07:24 pm You could be my heroine,,,
Mood: I am over...
Tunes: Something Corporate : Punk Rock Princess
It's all over now...I'm in shambles...My whole life is turning now. Some things are going to be worse, some will just be different... Maybe someday I'll have hope again. But for right now. There's too much I've given up on...

Go listen to the acoustic of this...

Something Corporate : Punk Rock Princess

Maybe when the room is empty,
Maybe when the bottle's full.
Maybe when the door gets broke down,
Love can break in.

Maybe when I'm done with thinking,
Maybe you can think me whole.
Maybe when I'm done with endings
This can begin, this can begin
This can begin.

If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your garage band king.
You can tell me why you just dont fit in
And how you're gonna be something

Maybe when your hair gets darker,
Maybe when your eyes get wide,
Maybe when the walls are smaller
There will be more space

Maybe when I'm not so tired,
Maybe you could step inside
Maybe when I look for things that
I cant replace, I cant replace
I cant replace.

If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your garage band king.
You could tell me why you just dont fit in,
And how you're gonna be something.

If I could be your first real heartache,
I would do it over again.
If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your heroine.

I never thought you'd last,
I never dream you would.
You watch your life go past,
You wonder if you should.

If you should be my punk rock princess,
So I could be your garage band king.
You could tell me why you just dont fit in,
And how you're gonna be something.

If I could be your first real heartache,
I would do it over again.
If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your heroine.

Whoa! you know!
You only burn my bridges
Whoa! you know!
You just cant let it sink in!
You could be my heroine,
You could be my heroine!
About this Entry
Dec. 16th, 2004 @ 03:46 am Smash his face on the dashboard and watch it fucking break and bleed...
Mood: Keep pushing, I'll fuck you up
Tunes: Atreyu
I'm fucking agravated as hell. I FUCKING hate people!!! I just got done reading a lot of fucking SHIT about a lot of fucking things. And I'm sure you fucking guessed it. I'm god damned pissed off!! I'm so fucking done with so fucking many people. It's fucking rediculous the fucking BULL SHIT that I take from people just to be nice. Well fuck all those assholes! I'm fucking done with it. I'm just going to fucking confront anyone who brings up a fucking problem, and if they push me, I'm going to fucking tear out their fucking jugular, and then ram it down their throat. I'm fucking sick of it. People need to straighten the fuck out. I'm fucking done. Theres a grouping of people I'd fucking love to kill more than any other right now. And what's funnier, is I don't personally know them. I just fucking hate them for what they do. Hence the title of this journal... "Smash his face on the dashboard and watch it fucking break and bleed..." And I fucking hope I get the chance. Fuckers...
About this Entry
Dec. 15th, 2004 @ 05:53 pm I've got all my friends...
Mood: ...what now?
Tunes: Azure Ray
So I'm horribly lonely right now. The only person I really WANT to talk to right now is out, and I'm worried... None of my friends seem to have time for me. I'm just so scared at this point. *sigh* I love Azure Ray...
About this Entry
Dec. 14th, 2004 @ 06:32 pm You just can't let it sink in...
Mood: Someone rescue me...
Tunes: Something Corporate : Forget December
Okay, so I figure I need to update. There's a Jimmy Eat World concert tommorow night. And I really wanna go. :( Umm...I haven't really been doing much. I went to a concert the other night, and discovered this really good Indie/Emo band called Ivy'sReach. My tummy hurts. I really want to go do something tonight. Or tommorow night. I dunno. Maybe Holly or Jess want to hang out with me in the next few days? I dunno. I need to get out a little. I've been downloading a lot of music on LimeWire. I got a bunch of Something Corporate, and some Red Hot Chilli Peppers. I really want to go to a concert and see some screamo bands....I have no idea why... My friend has a 101.1 degree temp. from being outside all night. It was 36 degrees!!!! And do you know WHY she was outside? She was worried about me. So she went to look at stars, and then she fell asleep. *sigh* *shake head* I wish the people who did care about me were closer. Everyone who really cares is at least in another town, if not farther. I am a raccoon. A green one. *nod*
About this Entry
Dec. 13th, 2004 @ 12:57 am Well, well, well.....
Mood: Maybe I should get to bed soon
Tunes: A bunch of Something Corporate songs I just downloaded...
Some things are working out. Okay, so now I've got someone pissed off at me over a stupid reason that they have no reason to be pissed about. *sigh* Otherwise, things are going well.....not really much to tell here. I'm never going to sleep normally again. Ever. *sigh*
About this Entry
Dec. 12th, 2004 @ 03:14 am Am I good enough?
Mood: Confused...
Tunes: Emery : Fractions
Soooo....I am very very tired. Confused. Disoriented. Too much is in my head. I mean, I'm fine. Just a little shaken up. Like a puzzle. *sigh* Okay. I'm not even supposed to be up. So I'm going to lay down. I need someone to take care of me...
About this Entry
Dec. 11th, 2004 @ 05:14 am Her voice is like a paint brush...
Mood: A voice like a paint brush...
Tunes: Straylight Run : Existentialism On Prom Night
I just finished watching The Goonies, and after I watched it, I was lying in my bed thinking, and I had the huest smile on my face. I was happy. I mean, really happy. For the first time in days. Weeks actually. Now I'm sitting here, and I'm sad again. I can't have the things I need to go to sleep right now. Life is confusing of late. I am trying VERY hard to sort out whos there for me and whos not, and it isn't going all that well. Such a good phone conversation today. Or rather, yesterday now. In any case. It took place on December 10th. It was a phonecall that sorted out a lot of things. Not just for me. But for someone else too. And that is important...
About this Entry
Dec. 10th, 2004 @ 07:59 am I know I should be brave, but I'm just too afraid...
Mood: Why did this happen?
Tunes: Peter Shapiro : A Song For Pete
I hated this morning. I woke up to the sound of my mothers screaming, and the intoxicating scent of vomit filled my nose and my lungs. I choked and spat a little more up, realizing it was my own. I opened my eyes and I cried. I have no idea what happened. When I went to sleep last night, I didn't feel sick. I felt good. Why did this happen?
About this Entry
Dec. 10th, 2004 @ 01:04 am Well, the future's got me worried such awful thoughts...
Mood: Out of words...
Tunes: Bright Eyes : Nothing Gets Crossed Out
Well, I just got off the phone from a few hours of conversation. And now I'm talking to someone else...*sigh* I'm NEVER going to sleep again. Anyway...I've sorted a lot out with myself and with other people. I've sang a lot today, and it was very special at one point. Hell, I've used so many words today, I don't know what to say here even. I guess what I said is all there is. Oh, I got a new account on my art site today. Heres a link..
www.carousel-of-pictures.deviantart.com
About this Entry
Dec. 9th, 2004 @ 04:24 pm No beauty could have come from me. I'm a waste, of breath, of space, of time...
Mood: The futures got me worried...
Tunes: Bright Eyes : The "Lifted" Album
So, I sat awake all night. I sang Bright Eyes and Straylight Run for three hours or so. There was also some Rocky Votolato, Get Up Kids, and Starting Line...

I didn't even get woken up to go to school today. My mum didn't even bother. I haven't been to school since monday. And last week I only went on Tuesday and Friday, and the week before that I only went Wendsday. Oh well, it really isn't for me. Honestly. I mean, I'll probably get my GED or something, but I can't handle High School. I really just want to be a writer though. I want to write books. I want people to read again. I want there to be more in this world than there is... I have this tiny sliver of hope that I can have some of the things I want. And to be a writer is one of those things. I don't know. Maybe everyone is right. Maybe I wont have a future. Maybe I'm more afraid than anyone to grow up, and that's why this is the way it is. But I'm not afraid of growing. No. I just can't do this the same way everyone else does. And one of the things that I have as a major fault, and something that will never go away, is that I'm always going to rely on others. I mean, not graduating, not getting my liscense. Tiny things like that, and so I'll have to rely on other people...forever. And I hate myself for it. Yet, I wont change it. Because I like myself. I like that I can try to be happy. Even if I never was, or I may or may not be, or may or may never be, I can TRY to be happy. And it's these little things. I don't have to hide from the world. I can just be out there. I don't need a mask. I don't need a bottle. I don't need drugs. It's just these little things. I beleive so much that humanity still exists somewhere in the world. Behind what we can see. So I'll keep reaching for it.

I'm going to leave you with something that someone said to me in the last couple days.

Have you ever looked at your hand? Just looked at it? Moved your fingers and watched how they move? Why do we have fingers? Watch the little lines in your hand move? There's these absolutely simple yet amazing things that we take advantage of every day. Do you ever just...stop. and think about them?
About this Entry
Dec. 8th, 2004 @ 06:37 pm Let Truth Be Found, In This Underground...
Mood: Calm and also...WTF?
Tunes: Flee the Seen
So. My head is a jiggsaw puzzle, and I don't see it going back together easily. So I just want to thank all the people who are actually there when they're needed. And I want to bitch out the people that aren't...... >.<

So I'm just sitting here messing around and talking to people. I have to try to go to sleep normally tonite. I haven't slept but maybe a few hours in the last week or so. And I have to go to school tommorow and Friday. *sigh* I need Friday night plans. Any takers?
About this Entry